First Born’s Taking Chances

First Born's Taking Chances

Someone once told me five minutes after meeting me, “you must be a first born”. I was confused by the statement, but intriguingly I confirmed her theory. I have one younger brother, and I am indeed my parent’s first born child.

She then proceeded to tell me that I’m probably more calculated. I stand back to watch and learn while he probably jumps in feet first. I’m more of a perfectionist, a better planner, more organized, a bigger worrier, and more afraid to fail.

First borns have to look like they know what they’re doing.

Oddly enough, this seems to apply to most siblings I know. She was definitely spot on with me. Looking back, it makes perfect sense why I have always entertained my desire to write songs, but made sure it stayed a hobby. Practicing in private and waiting to be great at it before putting myself out there. I was afraid to fail and look like I didn’t know what I was doing.

So, every time the urge to pursue songwriting grew too strong, I’d suppress it by throwing myself into my job and concentrating on advancing my career and compensation. In other words, I’d ignore the call to take a chance on writing and turn to what I knew because that was the safe play and in my comfort zone.

I’ve discovered over the years, though, that I can try to ignore the call to write all I want, but it comes back every time. Not only does it keep coming back, but it comes back stronger, and stronger, and stronger. The call to pursue writing has grown stronger than the fear holding me back.

I have to take a chance and pursue songwriting.

Songwriting is in my blood. It’s who I am. I can’t deny my soul what it has so desperately been calling me to do for the last twenty years. Yes, twenty years I’ve been dipping my toe in the water. It’s beyond time to jump in. So, I’m pushing through the fear of failure, but I still need a plan. After all, I’m a first born.

As a typical first born, over the years I have spent way too much time putting together an elaborate plan mapping out how to get where I want to go with my writing instead of just doing it. Luckily, an episode of one of my favorite podcasts pulled me out of the rabbit hole I was going down and helped me simplify things.

Brandon Barnett on his podcast, Left of Nashville, discussed an article called “Do Things, Tell People” by Carl Lange. Just as the title suggests, all you really have to do to gain momentum towards your goal is do things and tell people what you’re doing

After listening to that podcast, I revisited my notes and many pages of analysis and planning from throughout the years. Five minutes later, I had circled three ideas.

  1. Write Songs Everyday
  2. Create an Online Presence
  3. Create a Nashville Presence

My plan going forward is simply doing and telling.

I wake up at 4:30 every morning and get at least two hours of writing in before work. I’m posting songs to Creative Side Out and documenting my journey through the blog telling people online what I’m doing. And I’m working behind the scenes to put myself in a position to start making regular trips to Nashville in the very near future.

So, yes, I’m a first born. The fear of failure is still there, but the desire to pursue writing is much greater. I do need a plan, but not an elaborate one. By simply focusing on doing things and telling people, I’m too busy now for fear to set in. If it does creep it’s way in, I fight it by simply doing more things and telling more people. 

Creative Side Out is more than a platform to get my music into the world. It’s my battle cry. Three words to remind me everyday to simply do the thing I love and share it with the world. The universe will take care of the rest. I invite you to help me do more things and tell more people by subscribing, liking, and sharing my journey and the songs that you think others need to hear.

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